The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
