very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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