lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
