my being single is dangerous.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
