i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
