Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
