i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
