The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
