i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
