I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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