I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
