i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
