But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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