dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
