I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize