you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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