Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
