oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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