dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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