the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
