And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
