you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
