What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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