i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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