And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
