If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
