I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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