No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
