you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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