Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
