Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
how does that bad decision feel?
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