3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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