I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
