goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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