apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
