i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
