I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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