Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
