I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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