i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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