using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
