i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
