dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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