Betty ford says i'm here all night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
