woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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