Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
