I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
are you so shy because you have an std?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
