Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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