she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
