Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
