After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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