just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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