youre lurking in front of me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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