Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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