You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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