How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
