About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
