Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
