Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
