Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
