Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
