I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
