I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
