just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
