just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
