DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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