Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
