R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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