I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
