WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
